Three Years Ago…

This I write in memory of my husband, “Jer”.

I love this video short because it reminds me that, in death the soul is freed and often it IS better that way, considering the struggles those that have passed suffered in getting there.Tomorrow it will have been three years since my husband passed. I miss him still. I am reminded of all the good times…as there were many. My mind has opened up a lot since then and my perspective on the value of time has changed. I cherish every minute, even if I’m having a pretty difficult day. It’s exhilarating to get the natural high of working out, or sharing an activity that helps other people feel good about themselves too,  even if it’s just for an hour of a day. Why? I do this because I have this day, at least so far, to live. I am thankful for that!

Often I think of how, back then when he was alive how there was so much, aah, seemingly wasted time focusing on the small stuff, the petty stuff that really did not matter at all. That, of course is one of my learning curve regrets.

Recurring thought as time moves forward on this helps me to realize that while in the “best of times” there still, in retrospect can be far too much time or energy spent on negative thoughts, disagreements, or things that were not meant to be changed. I believe it to be true that, the more we focus on something the more we lean in towards it and in doing this, can transform it to become our reality.

The learning of this sort of wisdom seems to only happen by living and doing, and not by listening or studying. While we believe we are learning it as we listen or study I honestly must admit that unless I had lived it I thought this was something other people did.

I have learned too that in starting over a lot of letting go must happen to proceed forward in a healthy, optimistic and hopeful fashion. “Progress” is a big word. For me the giving away of a lot of material possessions, downsizing to a home with less square footage on a smaller lot, …and a smaller more compact car have helped tremendously.

Another thing that has helped me is to continually make new goals and when I complete or accomplish one reward myself by making 2 new goals in it’s place. Even though opening myself up to new projects and activities has evolved slower than I would have projected, the truth is that I really am in no hurry.

Still, tomorrow, September 11th, cancer stole my husband, my love, my partner, and for that I grieve. We had done all the treatment possible and even some that were none FDA approved and quite debilitating. Some of them gave us false hope providing a momentary reprieve, then an onslaught of brain cancer exploding in the brain requiring laser brain tumor removal (radial-cranial surgery). All of this cost a lot more money than our insurance, or we, had, by the way, which after it was all said and done became a major stumbling block in moving on in life (for me).

The brutal reality is cancer, like so many other forms of disease does not pick and choose or discriminate. It steals the young and old and everyone in between. One can be a model of health and fitness and become cancer’s next victim. Their families suffer right along with them and afterwards are left to put back the pieces of our lives. It is no easy task when going about the steps to become whole again but I believe it is doable. Support groups, pets, travel, family, exercise, going out for coffee, telephone conversations, and walks with friends are all things that help.

Thanks for reading this and watching the little video!

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